Si Fractus Fortis

My son, you have been wandering away from me and have taken no notice of what I have said to you. Why do you despise what I said? Do you imagine that I have promised you instant perfection? And yet you would have instant perfection if you were really to follow the path I outlined to you.

In the meantime you have discovered only how barren every other path is. You have turned from one thing to another, only to find that each one leads equally to nowhere. Do not despair - that is a good lesson to have learned.

You have also discovered that it is quite possible to live in the right way if only you set your mind to it and pick yourself up whenever you fall. The secret is a simple one - persistance. I have said that to you often before. Just as you write these words, so you can live your life - as it comes from my Spirit to you.

I have no other command to give you. Evertything else you will find by doing. He who does the Will of the Father shall know the Truth. You can theorise and theologise as much as you like, but it is only in the doing that you will learn the Truth. I am the Truth - follow me.

You are always wanting to do better. You want to stand out. You want to be special. All these wishes are delusions. They are all ways of puffing yourself up. Even in writing this you are thinking about how great it will look on your blog - how others will admire you. Truly there is nothing to admire about you. You cannot avoid sin even for a moment without my grace. And in what way have you merited my grace? In no way at all.

My word to you is only this - do as I have said to you, and worry about nothing else.

Today is the feast day of St Josaphat of Polotsk, the patron saint of Reunion between East and West.

Raise up, O Lord, we pray thee, in thy Church the Spirit whereby blessed Josaphat thy Martyr and Bishop laid down his life for the sheep; that, by his intercession, we, being moved and strengthened by the same, may not fear to lay down our lives for our brethren.

His intercession is particularly necessary and timely in the context of Archbishop Hilarion’s remarks yesterday:

“Today it can be said that we are moving to a moment when it becomes possible to prepare a meeting between the Pope and the Patriarch of Moscow.”

Our Lady, Joy of All Who Sorrow, pray for us

Saint Josaphat of Polotsk, pray for us

My frustration at the limited view of Christianity which I’ve found in ecumenical groups was even greater this evening when I went to my Anglican housegroup. The members of the group basically confessed themselves completely unable to make anything of the two passages of scripture we were studying. One was the first half of Hebrews 10 on Christ’s Sacrifice Once for All, and the other was The Destruction of the Temple and Persecutions Foretold from the beginning of Mark 13. And indeed who can blame them - what do these passages have to do with the version of Christianity usually found in Anglican churches?

This afternoon I went to a purely Catholic housegroup meeting in our local Convent. The aim was to do a bit of Lectio Divina and to discuss a talk about Catholicism which had been given in the Church the week before.

It was an interesting contract with the other Lectio Divina group which I have quite often attended in our Church. The difference is that the latter group is open to Christians from other denominations, while the former isn’t.

Not for the first time I noticed that there is a very different dynamic between Catholic groups and ecumenical groups. In the ecumenical groups I very quickly get frustrated with the limited view of Christianity that seems to be the norm. I’ve characterised this before as “We’re all nice people, and God is a jolly nice person too”. In Catholic-only groups there seems to be a much greater willingness to engage with the full spectrum of Christianity.

However true or untrue my perception of this may be I usually come away from a Catholic group feeling satisfied and built-up, and from an ecumenical group feeling frustrated and unhappy.

One of the things I feel very strongly about, as a convert, is that Catholicism is not “just another denomination” - it is radically different from the other denominations. I don’t have enough experience of the Orthodox churches to know whether the same would apply to them - but I suspect that an ecumenical Catholic-Orthodox group might be challenging rather than frustrating!

This morning I read Robert Moynihan’s latest despatch from his visit to Russia, in which he gives an account of a meeting with Archbishop Hilarion Alfeyev “the second most prominent figure in the Russian Orthodox hierarchy”. Unfortunately I can’t give a link to the article because it doesn’t yet appear to have been posted on the website.

Dr. Moynihan gives a quote from an interview which he conducted with the Archbishop four years ago:

I believe that it is in Europe that the most deadly battles between Christianity and relativism are going to take place in the nearest future. It is in Europe that the onslaught of militant secularism against religion takes the most aggressive forms. It is Europe that most obsessively denies its Christian heritage. It is in Europe that crucifixes are taken away from schools, religious symbols are banned from public places, and Christianity becomes an object of constant criticism, outrage and mockery. It is in Europe that a profound demographic crisis affected Christian population, threatening its very survival. Not that these processes do not take place in other parts of the world, but it is in Europe that they become so stunningly evident.

This quote stood out for me because it is just exactly what I believe about the situation in Europe. With the implementation of the Treaty of Lisbon the situation is likely to become much graver from a Christian point of view.

One of the causes dearest to my heart is Catholic-Orthodox unity, both formal unity and unity in action. May Our Lady, Joy of All Who Sorrow, pray for us.

This now the third full day since I’ve made the commitment to “The Gift of Oneself”, and not surprisingly nothing spectacular has happened. But nevertheless there have been some themes appearing - some of them quite unexpected:

1) I’ve been saying the Liturgy of the Hours rather than any of the older breviaries. I don’t much like the Liturgy of the Hours, so this is perhaps a sign that God wants me to conform to the Church as it is, rather than my imagined idea of what it ought to be.

2) I’ve got going again on learning German, Spanish and Portuguese, which are the languages of the countries which I will be going on pilgrimage to next year.

3) I’ve been studying photography - now why God would want me to do that is a mystery to me - but perhaps it is connected with next year’s travels.

4) I’ve been studying the Book of Revelation in the Orthodox Study Bible - looking up all the references.

5) I’ve started reading the Catholic Bible Dictionary (Scott Hahn) from cover to cover - again looking up all the references.

The last time I tried to follow “The Gift of Oneself” I found that my life had become much more spacious and that many of my backlogs of work were cleared up almost immediately. This doesn’t seem to be happening this time. But it’s not really concerning me - whatever God decides to send to me is fine by me.

On Monday I wrote:

“Realised that my difficulty with how to do God’s Will was lack of commitment. So swore an oath to God that I would use the Gift of Oneself for the rest of my life and no other method.”

Related posts:

The Gift of Oneself

The Will to Love

Serving God in Peace and Tranquility

What is it like to do God’s Will?

It’s the final session of the ecumenical Lent housegroup meetings tonight. One of the things we will be discussing is what it means to be “persecuted for righteousness’ sake”. As for me, I am broadly in agreement with what it says in the Orthodox Study Bible:

Children of God uphold truth, refuse to compromise with the ways of the world, and give themselves to no other. Like Jesus, these will be persecuted for righteousness’ sake.

The Course booklet defines it thus:

Being persecuted for righteousness’ sake means:

• being willing to stand out from the crowd even if this means being thought odd or subversive;
• speaking and standing up for what is true and right;
• being prepared to go against the flow.

Now there are a lot of resemblances between these two definitions. So why is it that the images conjured up by each of them are so different in my mind? If we take Jesus himself as the model for each of the Beatitudes which description fits him better?

My son,

Don’t worry. Do my will. What is it to you what that will is? If I wish to make you mighty, what is that to you? If I wish to humble you, what is that to you? I am everything you could desire. Put your ambitions into learning to know me.

My son, you have brought yourself into the depths of despair because you have ignored what I have said to you. You cannot live any other way and expect there to be any blessing on your life. I have made that clear to your but you still ignore it. When did I ever tell you that it would be easy? You must work through the difficulties.

Let me once again make clear to you what you must do.

First, dedicate yourself to doing my will in the morning as you start your day. You establish your INTENT to do my will.

Then you act in the BELIEF that you are doing my will.

Whenever your INTENT or your BELIEF waver, then you must re-affirm them. See your actions throughout the day as my will unfolding.

Now I am well aware that you need a great degree of faith and trust in order to do this. You have to overcome your feelings of frustration and worry that things won’t get done. So that brings me to the third and final part of what you need to do: PERSEVERE. You are always looking for the instant answer. I understand why that is - you need re-assurance that you are on the right path.

The important thing is to follow me one day at a time. Set your intention for the one day only. You have started to follow me today by writing these pages. Continue to follow me for the rest of the day. Just watch my will unfold, trusting that it is indeed my will - how could it be otherwise? As long as you have the intent to do my will all will be well.

Then renew your intention the following day. Take it one day at a time. Do not let anything take you away from it. If you feel that you cannot hear me in the midst of the distractions of daily life then still persevere. If you still have the intent and the faith then you can be assured that all is well whatever the outer circumstances appear to be.

One of the things which I afflict myself with during Lent is to join an ecumenical housegroup. Actually last year’s was very good and I enjoyed it - possibly because there were several other Catholics in the group. But this year I am the only Catholic and am having the interesting experience of finding out what passes for Christianity in the United Reform Church and the Baptist Church these days.

Sadly they seem to have fallen from their former evangelical glory - in fact I have the odd experience of being the most evangelical member of the group. We are studying the Beatitudes, which I am relieved to find out are not the complete challenge to my every assumption that I thought they were, but are simply exhortations to give a bit more money to charity, be nice to other people and make sure we recycle.

I exaggerate a bit of course - but sadly not that much!

Tonight we are doing “Blessed are the merciful” and “Blessed are the pure in heart”. I’m interested to see from the course booklet that “they will see God” means that we will “recognise the possible, and God as the source of all our ‘possibility thinking’”.

Hmm…

I think one of the oddest things I find about re-dedicating myself to the path of sainthood is that I have at present absolutely no idea about what it is that I will do. I haven’t got any great plans for converting the world or tending the sick or raising vast sums for charity or spending all day in prayer interceding for others.

In fact I feel that to have any such ideas would be asking for trouble. All I feel is that I need to be open to whatever God asks me to do, minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day.

A conversation with a dear friend on Friday about the direction my life might take led to my re-dedicating myself to the path of sainthood.

On Saturday I attended Mass and confession and spent half-an-hour in adoration of the Blessed Sacrament with the intention of gaining a plenary indulgence - to be applied wherever the Lord directed as most fitting. Sunday and today every step of the way I have concentrated on doing God’s will as I have understood it.

Already I can feel the sense of rush and urgency that has recently been filling my life dispersing. God has begun to re-impose order on my chaos - the difference is noticeable in only two days. What is most noticeable to me is a sense of spaciousness and freedom.

Quam magna multitudo dulcedinis tuæ, Domine,
quam abscondisti timentibus te;
perfecísti eis qui sperant in te in conspectu filiorum hominum!

O how great is the multitude of thy sweetness, O Lord,
which thou hast hidden for them that fear thee!
Which thou hast wrought for them that hope in thee, in the sight of the sons of men. (Psalm 30: 20)

Anyone reading this blog will have remarked that quite a few of the entries are written as God’s messages to me. I want to make it clear that I make no claims for these writings other than that they are what they are: the results of my writing three pages in my notebook without stopping to think, while imagining what God would want to say to me.

So please don’t take these as anything more than meditations on my part. They are certainly not intended to be in any way infallible. I believe that I have written nothing contrary to Catholic doctrine or morality. If I have, then I would be pleased to be told of the fact.

My son, you have had a hard time of it. I do appreciate your efforts to live according to my will, but the truth is that you have been going about it the wrong way.

I have told you many times that there is only one way for you. That is to commend your actions to me and then act accordingly. I gave you the example of writing these pages. Write with your actions instead of your pen.

Now, where have you been going wrong? The answer to that is crucial. You need to understand what the problem has been and the causes of it before you can put it right. But you also need to realise that nothing has been wasted. I honour any sincere attempt to follow me.

Notice when writing these pages that the INTENTION is what counts. You have the intention to write my words and to keep writing them continuously. You are fully at liberty to change your intention at any moment and there are two ways in which you can do that.

The first is that you can change your intention of writing my words and write something else. You could write in your own voice or in the voice of someone other than me. You might learn a lot by doing so, but it would no longer be my voice. You could also change the subject, but only once you have stopped writing in my voice. What I would like you to remark particularly is that you can’t change the subject while you continue to write in my voice. The subject matter is under my control. This is important for doing my will. If you are acting with the intention of letting me control your actions, then you can only do what I will. You have no control over your actions, or rather the subject matter of your actions, until you change your intention. You are however always in control of your intention.

So the “voice” in which your are writing or acting is the first way in which you can change your intention.

The second way is in the method you use to write. Your intention at the moment is to write continuously without stopping to think or worry about spelling, grammar or punctuation - and more importantly not worrying about what the end project will be like.

There are many other ways of writing of course - and you could change your intention to any one of these. You could maintain your intention of writing in my voice but change to a dialogue or a thinking and revising mode. Both of these are very different to what you are doing now: they are much less focused on the one voice. You are introducing much more of your own thoughts in your own voice. When it comes to actions rather than writing, this becomes even more the case. It is in this that your major problem has been situated.

You have frequently changed both intentions, but the one that is causing you most problem is changing your intention about the method to follow. It as if you tried to finish the three pages of notebook which you are writing now by stopping continuous writing and starting to think about what you were writing and editing it as you went along.

I would like you now to get some practice. You have a few lines to the bottom of the page. Set your alarm to five minutes and then just change your writing to actions, as if the actions were a continuation of what you are writing - then when the alarm goes off come back and see what else I have to say.

……

What did you do? Tidied a few things and then started preparing lunch. Did you notice how natural it felt? How lightly you could hold your intention? How you didn’t need to switch off any of your thoughts and feelings as long as you kept the action flowing? There’s nothing at all difficult about this.

It’s been a fair while since I posted here. It’s been a time of great testing by the Lord, but he has been gracious to me and never allowed me to lose faith.

I have several times come near despair over my own inability to do God’s will. And then yesterday I had one of those blinding flashes of the obvious which illuminate the entire scene.

I was researching articles on goal setting in a business context, and one of the articles I read was about “outcome thinking”. One sentence struck me hard:

The aim of outcome thinking is to respond in alignment with the outcome you want instead of just reacting to the situation.

It struck me that this summed up exactly what I was looking for - a unifying principle that shapes all my actions. But what was the desired outcome of the Christian life? Up to then I had been trying to do God’s will, but God’s will was often difficult to discern and even more difficult to do on a consistent basis. Having “God’s will” as my desired outcome left all the questions unanswered because I didn’t know what outcome God wanted.

And then it struck me. Yes, of course I knew what God’s desired outcome was. It was to get me to heaven. I realised that I now knew what should be the guiding principle of my life and my actions: to get to heaven.

This has always been the aim of the saints, right from the time of the Apostles. “Work out your salvation in fear and trembling” said St Paul. Only in quite modern times has getting to heaven ceased to be the major preoccupation of churchgoers. I think that is because there is a general feeling that “it’ll all be all right on the day”, a feeling that it’ll only be really outstandingly wicked people who don’t go to heaven.  The rest of us will be ok, even if we’re not particularly religious.

What I found yesterday was that making Heaven my desired outcome did make a radical change to my actions. Suddenly I began to see how much of what I do is quite incompatible with Heaven. So much of my own laziness and half-heartedness become unsupportable in my mind.

It’s too early to say what will be the result of this. I will write again soon.

My son, you are after all this time still jumping from method to method and making everything wildly complicated. I have told you exactly how to stay on the Way. I have told you not to be concerned about feelings or results. I have told you to PERSIST. And what do you do? You never stick to what I have told you to do, you give up the second you don’t feel perfect, you insist on results even though you don’t know what the results should be. As as for persisting - you can’t even persist in doing things the wrong way!

But don’t be disheartened. You have learned a lot along the way. Your heart has always remained mine, and you have been true to your desire to walk in my ways and do my will. I will honour all that.

Let us be quite clear - there is no other blessing for you in any path other than the one I have given you. I have cut all other paths off for you. That does not mean they cannot be means of grace to others - but for you, you have my command. There can be no blessing in disobeying my command.

I want you to listen fully to me on this. You must hear me out. The world is in desperate need of those who hear my voice. The forces of evil are triumphant in their own minds and the voice of good has grown very quiet. I need people to be at my disposal. Not that I as God need anything, but I have decreed that I will act through humans, through mortals. What else would be the point of the Incarnation?

Many years ago you had the insight that you are all called to act as Christ did when he was on Earth, and that if you didn’t do what he would have done, then it wouldn’t be done at all. That is because I have decreed it to be so.

And what did Jesus do on Earth? “My food is to do the will of him who sent me”. He lived utterly and completely in the will of the Father.

That is what I ask you to do. You are a son of God, adopted through the merits of the sacrifice of my Son. You are his brother by adoption. If you obey the will of his Father as he obeyed it, then you will accomplish greater things than he did. That is his promise to you all. It is a mystery to you how that can possibly be true, but in my eternal plans it is.

I am saying these words so that you will remember them when you are tempted again to leave my Way. Remember, I have shut off all other paths for you. Others may find blessing in them, but not you. Persist.

Now what do you need to know? What questions do you have? You want to know whether it is really possible for someone like you to live in the Way I have indicated. Of course it is. I would not command you to do something you did not have the power to do. And what is difficult about it? I have asked you to do nothing that is any more difficult than writing these words on the page.

You also want to know how much use you can make of the world’s methods of setting goals and managing time. My answer to that is none at all. None at all. They are quite incompatible with what I am asking you to do. You will get no blessing from them.

You are asking whether you should pay attention to money, security and so on - especially where your wife and family are concerned. My answer is that you must trust such things to me.

All will be made clear as you progress along the Way. You will learn exactly what needs to be done, how to do it, and what the results should be. But you will only learn these things by trusting yourself to me. “Seek ye first the Kingdom of God, and all these things shall be added unto you.”

This is the answer to all you questions, worries and concerns. There is nothing that is not solved by this. Grasp hold of it.

Your friend M. said that once you had overcome your initial uncertainties you would shine forth in God in a marvellous way. That is true. But remember that success is always to be judged by me and not by the world. You may be shining forth in me even as the world reviles you and all seems to be failure and dismay.

Do not fear. That has always been the watchword of the saints. Do not fear - because the Lord is with you.

Who can harm you if the Lord is with you?

You are nearly at the end of these writings. I have just a few more things to say to you. Firstly, do not be concerned about what others think of you. You are not here to make friends. The path of righteousness is often a lonely one. Secondly, remember that you need make no judgements about what you should be doing, neither need you listen to anyone else’s judgement. Only I can tell you what to do. Do not let yourself be condemned. And finally when you fail do not spend time commiserating with yourself - pick yourself up and get back on the Way.

My son, the question on your mind is “Is this what it’s supposed to be like?” You feel frustrated because yesterday you did not feel that you were floating through life buoyed up by the Spirit of God. But did I not warn you yesterday that what you feel does not matter. The important things are obedience and faithfulness. If you look at yesterday in that light you will see it very differently.

It is the same with today. You do not feel that you are doing well. You feel frustrated rather than peaceful. Yet you have done what I said - you made your resolution at the start of the day to follow my Way throughout the day and you have done what has presented itself to you as the Way. What else could you have done to please me?

Ignore your frustration. You must learn to work through it. Although you think you are acting just the same as before, you have a radical difference of heart. To you it is now my Way that is important. 

You are also haunted by the question “Have I got it right?” You want assurance that this is in fact the right way to proceed - that you haven’t been misleading yourself. This is something that can only be answered by continuing on the Way. Assurance will come.

You have read enough in the writings of the saints to know that “assurances” and “consolations” are to be valued very low. The greatest growth comes in the times when assurances and consolations are removed.

You have also some specific areas of concern. You worry about the work that needs to be done, the disorder in your life, the future - especially in terms of money. You know that you need to earn more money, but I do not appear to be guiding you to do so. Instead you are kicking your heels in inactivity. In all these concerns I say “Have faith” and “Be faithful”. Do you think I cannot change all these things overnight if I wish? Indeed I will change them very soon if you remain faithful - and in ways that will surprise you.

There is another area in which you have questions and that is about your thoughts. Should following the Way not only affect your actions but also your thoughts? After all, the thoughts which you write here are my thoughts - should you not also be having these thoughts during the day? These thoughts are diferent from your own thoughts which tend to be worries, questions, concerns.

This is indeed a legitimate cause of concern to you. You have read St Paul where he says “bring every thought captive to Christ Jesus”. You have wondered what this means in practice and at times tried to obey it literally. But understand that the mind of Christ is precisely the Way that I have outlined to you. The Way of intention and faith. What is important is your intention and your faith. If these are right your thoughts will fall in line.

Now do you understand? There is nothing hidden - the Way is clear. Follow in the Way and you will be following me. You may feel now that nothing is happening, but you will find soon enough that that is not the case.

So in answer to your first question: “Yes, this is the way it is supposed to be.” At one stage yesterday evening you lost your intention. When that happens, it is sufficient simply to bring yourself back by re-affirming your intention and starting to act out of it again.   

My son, you are worried that you have displeased me by not being faithful - and indeed you have not been faithful to what I said. But do not spend time regretting what you have and have not done. Turn rather back to me and start to walk in my ways again. That is what repentance is and my forgiveness is always given to those who are repentant.

I wish today to tell you what it is that has been going wrong with you. You need to know what to avoid, what to shun and what to follow. You also need to know how to pick yourself up again when you go wrong. Let us look at all these. 

First - where did you go wrong? The answer is a simple one. You let go of my hand. I told you exactly what you needed to do to walk in my grace and you did it for a time and then stopped. What I told you to do was two things only:

1. give yourself to me at the beginning of each day to walk in my path
2. believe throughout the day that you are walking in my path

Two things then: INTENTION and FAITH. That is all. Nothing else. What can be simpler than that? There is nothing more difficult about it than the intention and faith that you display in writing these pages.

When you let go of these, disaster follows. Why do you let go of them? Let us examine the reasons. There are basically two reasons. One is that you do not FEEL that you are on the right path and the other is that you do not see RESULTS. Feelings and results - did I ever tell you to follow your feelings? Or did I ever tell you to worry about results? No, indeed not.

So put out of your mind any ideas you have that you must experience a particular type of feeling or see particular types of results. Leave both your feelings and the results of your actions in my hands. That is where they belong. You will have feelings and you will have results - but it is not for you to worry about what they will be.

When you go wrong - and it will happen - how can you bring yourself back onto the right path?

From what I have been saying the answer should be obvious. Instead of feelings, have intention. Instead of results, have faith. Think of someone with the intention of climbing Everest. They may go through many extreme feelings but it is their  intention that will get them to the top, not their feelings. They may undergo many setbacks but it is their faith that will keep them going even when everything seems a disaster. So it must be with you.

As a general remark I would add that you tend to allow your imagination to make your worries and concerns seem real. You worry about money, about the state of the world, about your own sinfulness, about your work. Most of all you worry that you cannot trust yourself to see things through. And you are quite right - you cannot trust yourself. All these things should be in my hands.

All you have to do is to play your part. Have the intention to follow my Way and the faith that you are following it. And when one or the other fails, then hasten to restore it. That is all you have to do. I will say it again: that is all that you have to do. That is the golden thread that you follow and which will lead you through every situation and every circumstance. From the Valley of the Shadow of Death to the Heavenly City itself. Indeed it transforms the Valley of the Shadow of Death into the gates of the City.

Remember that every detail of your life is under my control and that all things therefore work to your good. Be faithful, and I will be faithful too. I am faithful even when you are not.

I have told you many times that this is your ministry. You have no other. There may be many things you will do as a result of this ministry, but they will not be your ministry - this patient following of my Way step by step is your ministry. Your ministry at this moment is to write these words. Not because writing words is your ministry but because it is the current step on the Way - and the Way is your ministry.

I emphasize these points over and over again because they are of the utmost importance. Remember that anything you do, good or evil, which is not part of the following of the Way is displeasing to me. You can only please me by following the Way. If you follow the Way you can do nothing other than please me. I will be pleased as much by the little things as by the big things. There is nothing you could do at this very moment wich would be more pleasing to me than writing these words. Not if you were to give all your money to the poor or give your life for my Gospel. One day of course you may be called to do these things - but not this moment.

Remember these words of mine. Re-read them often.